Fear of Falling... and Failing

Last Monday I walked into Clearfield High with a giant smile on my face because coming back to school... was like coming home. Sure I was going to miss sleeping in and doing absolutely nothing but I missed my school even more. I missed my friends and their beautiful smiling faces that gets me through the hard times. I missed a certain person that makes my heart beat uncontrollably.. :) I loved showing everyone how much I had changed and seeing how people had changed over these few months. I love my school. I love it's history and the love there. I love being apart of the future of Clearfield High and having the chance to make it a better place. But it turns out right now I really want it to be summer again. Hours and hours of homework is completely draining and I hate sitting in class thinking "ohhh no. how am I going to handle even more?!!". I don't miss being confused about boys, not knowing what to say or how to handle yourself. I just wish I had a magic genie to tell me exactly what to say to get him to like me! Boys aren't the most important things but he is pretty important to me :) I feel like I'm setting myself up to fail with everything! If there is anything that you should know about me it's that I have a fear of failing. So that's not good. Not to mention I talked to my dad for the first time face to face since like a.. month ago? And after I remembered exactly why I sayed away. I can't handle it. I'm a control freak and I have absolutely no control over him. There I admited it. But there is more to it than just that. I can't see him without thinking how much he hurt me. This is the first time I have written anything about him on this blog.. and it feels good to get it out. I don't think, wait no, I know for a fact our relationship will never be the same. That's sad, but it's the consequences of his choices. So if there is anyone needing of prayers right now.. its me! Send them my way! Haha. This year is going to be tough but I'm crossing my fingers it will end up being amazing too! Now if only I could find a date to homecoming... :)

Everything Happens For A Reason

Finding a job is so hard! I remember sitting there in my living room feeling hopeless, like I had tried everything and nothing was going the way it was supposed to. I should know by now to be patient because Heavenly Father always sends me good things when I least expect it. The Tumblebus was the perfect first job for me! I sat teaching today, my last day, thinking about how much I was going to miss all these little faces and hugs. Wondering about what kind of people they would one day be. I kept a little prayer in my heart that my Heavenly Father would keep each one of them safe and happy. I walked away from the last day care with tears in my eyes, knowing that I probably wouldn't see them again. Hear their laughter at something funny we had said or their excited screams when we drove up. I will never forget them and their little personalities. And knowing me I took tons of pictures, so I deffintely will never forget! :)

Little Masey :) haha they love to have their hair blown in the wind from the fan! She would sit there all day if we would let her!

Me, Renae, and Malia! These girls are so full of craziness! Love them :)

Kaylee and Andrew! I will be attending their wedding someday! Well at least thats what they told me! Ohh and Kaylee said when she grows up, she wants to be a tumblebus teacher! :)

Gotta love gummy bear time :)
Im soo grateful for my chance to teach on the tumblebus! I know these will be the memories that I will carry throughout my life! I will miss it with all my heart. The kids taught me a lot about life and they made me become even more confident that I want to be a teacher when I grow up. But next time I won't be in a big yellow bus! Which isn't as exciting, but still what I see myself doing! A new job soon? Ohhh heaven help me with that! Hopefully at a daycare? Well after tennis is over at least! One step at a time Rach, one step at a time!
Thanks for listening :)

Not Expected

When I'm out on the tennis court I feel like I have come home. I'm not nervous, I'm not scared, I'm just ready for the challenge. Ready for the possibility of winning. I love the feeling of silence right before the serve is hit, when anything and everything could happen. I love the glory of hitting a ball in such a way that there is no way in heck the other person will be able to return it. I didn't expect to fall in love with tennis, but I did. But isn't that true with any love story? Tennis is my life in the fall and when it's over I'm not ready for it to be. I'm excited for this next season! I'm offically on second doubles VARSITY with my best friend Melissa Rassmussen :)

We have come a long way since last year and I'm excited to improve even more! Last year was tough because me and my other best friend Emma didn't win a single game. Sad, I know right? But hey that last match we did against Layton, man that made a whole season of heart ache feel like nothing! We made Layton's first doubles team work hard to win! To look back and see how far we had come was an amazing feeling! I'm so grateful for tennis and all it has taught me! I know these are the memories I will be looking back on for the rest of my life, and maybe a little bit more after that :)
<3 Rach

Just Another Manic Tuesday

Do you ever have those days where you catch yourself totally falling apart? Well I had a major crying spill today when I found out my time on the Tumblebus was out! My wonderful boss Amy decided to sell the bus so I only have a week and a half left. When I found out I completely fell apart. I have had many break downs before but never on a bright yellow/blue/red bus (it was a once in a lifetime experience)! Luckily no one saw me, but my mom did hear me when I called her! Im such a mama's girl. Well all I could think about was the kids and how much I am going to miss them all. I feel like I just barely got the hang of things and got the kids to like me, or at least remember my name. I'm going to miss them all so much. Even the ones that make me go insane! I guess all I can do is soak in the moments I have left && of course take pictures! Hey thats me! What cha gonna do bout it? haha! I'm really hoping to get a job at a daycare close by. We go there for the Tumblebus and I absolutely love the kids! So my boss is once again being amazing and is going to let me to talk to them while we are giving them the bad news! So I will for sure let you all know how it goes (I need prayers people)! I'm excited to start this new chapter in my life. How does that saying go? One door closes, another door opens? Well I have a feeling this next door is going to be pretty special :)
Ta-ta for now!