Fear of Falling... and Failing

Last Monday I walked into Clearfield High with a giant smile on my face because coming back to school... was like coming home. Sure I was going to miss sleeping in and doing absolutely nothing but I missed my school even more. I missed my friends and their beautiful smiling faces that gets me through the hard times. I missed a certain person that makes my heart beat uncontrollably.. :) I loved showing everyone how much I had changed and seeing how people had changed over these few months. I love my school. I love it's history and the love there. I love being apart of the future of Clearfield High and having the chance to make it a better place. But it turns out right now I really want it to be summer again. Hours and hours of homework is completely draining and I hate sitting in class thinking "ohhh no. how am I going to handle even more?!!". I don't miss being confused about boys, not knowing what to say or how to handle yourself. I just wish I had a magic genie to tell me exactly what to say to get him to like me! Boys aren't the most important things but he is pretty important to me :) I feel like I'm setting myself up to fail with everything! If there is anything that you should know about me it's that I have a fear of failing. So that's not good. Not to mention I talked to my dad for the first time face to face since like a.. month ago? And after I remembered exactly why I sayed away. I can't handle it. I'm a control freak and I have absolutely no control over him. There I admited it. But there is more to it than just that. I can't see him without thinking how much he hurt me. This is the first time I have written anything about him on this blog.. and it feels good to get it out. I don't think, wait no, I know for a fact our relationship will never be the same. That's sad, but it's the consequences of his choices. So if there is anyone needing of prayers right now.. its me! Send them my way! Haha. This year is going to be tough but I'm crossing my fingers it will end up being amazing too! Now if only I could find a date to homecoming... :)