Shouldn't Want This

You know when you have those days when everything seems to be going great? And then next thing you know life just sucks. Like really sucks. I should be able to focus on the thousand little things that are going perfect, instead of only thinking about the few big things that are going wrong. But right now I can't. I feel like the things that I want, I shouldn't want. Like everything is just so... wrong. I just wish for one minute I could know exactly what to do. I've never felt so.. confused and helpless. I just want my dad to leave and never come back into my life, but I don't want to lose him. Seeing his face.. just makes me want to disapear. It gives me no hope for the future. He made a mistake and he needs to suffer the consequences, but what are those consequenes going to be? I hate that it's up to me. Just like everything else. Just like with my "main squeeze" (tennis laughs save my life!). I just want him to care about me too. To want to be with me. I just want him to take me in his arms and make everything go away, but I know it's not going to happen. I'm putting myself out there, on this ledge about to fall for him, and yet I can't get myself to take that step. Everyone's telling me not to. But I want to. I'm tired of not feeing good enough, because I am good enough! I wish it could be as simple as picking the petals off a flower.. "he likes me, he likes me not.". Life: simplified. Ughhh so confused! Heyy fairy godmother?? I could really use you right now! Make me into a princess and give me my prince! But do you know whats even better than a fairy godmother? A Heavenly Father. I know everything is going to be okay. He will help me. You're probably thinking, wow this girl is really messed up. But this blog, is the only way I really get it all out there. Cause I'm too lazy to journal, sad I know! I guess all I can do now is smile, be excited for homecoming, and do the rest of my hours of homework! Praying this week will be grrreat :) Thanks for reading this stuff :) Have a happy Sunday!