An Ounce Of Hope

I truly believe that hope is what keeps us going. Some people might disagree and say that it is faith, that steers us straight in life. Now I don't entirely disagree, but my life has always been centered on hope. Hope for a better day, hope for a brighter future than I could ever imagine. When we don't have hope, we don't have anything. Well, that's how it always was for me. I constantly look forward to things. My SBO meeting on Tuesday, the soccer game on Friday, stuff like that keeps me going through the week. I wish I could explain the excitement I feel when I have something to look forward to. Some are little like seeing someone I love, some are big like an interview for a job. This week I seemed to lose some hope I had. I don't regret taking a chance, and I wouldn't change any of the memories. I just miss the happiness. I threw myself a couple days full of pity parties, now I'm ready to have some more hope. I'm excited to be SBO secretary and to work with a bunch of amazing officers. I am excited for my summer filled with youth conference, Ragnar, leadership conference at Utah State, EFY at Utah State, the leadership conference at Murray High school with my Toa, and girls camp. And of course workin at Arctic Circle, where the good stuff is. Yah I'm a working girl and I love it. I have hope for my future, and I know Heavenly Father will guide me to the perfect college where I can meet my perfect man. Sometimes things come around and knock you down, but you just have to pick yourself back up. I deserve a great person. I deserve to be treated like I am priceless. Like I am not a burden. I know that now. I am excited for the destiny I have in store. Hope is something I clench in my fist, even if it's just an ounce. Just a tish. I hold it tight, like there is no tomorrow. I have hope for my friends, that we can get past this difficult year. Last Wednesday was Sammy's birthday. Wow 17. Everyone decided to let go of red ballons at 7 pm for him. I was working so I got off at 8, and me and my mama went to the park and let one go. I wrote a status on facebook aftewards that describes how I felt: "As the red balloon left my fingers and sailed away into the sunset I realized I had to let go. Let go of the regret, the anger, and the heartache. I'll hold on tight to the memories but Heavenly Father's taking care of you now Sammy. I hope you had a great birthday brother. Thanks for always being my protector and watching out for me. I love you." There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of my best friend. That I don't miss him. Sometimes it just comes out, like today. Austin reminded me about some of the memories we had, and it was just so hard not to cry. I just miss him. The little things. Like his laugh, and the sound he made at games. The gum he gave out. I haven't had 5 gum since the funeral. I just can't do it. Maybe someday. I will be okay. I will survive. I have hope. Never give up. <3