Just Rachael.

So once upon a time in 10th grade honors English there was two Rachel's. Not an uncommon thing because of my common name. It was quite confusing. So the other Rachel, who I was not particularly fond of, came up with a solution. She was "the other Rachel" and I was "just Rachael". A solution? Not really. Emma (my bffe) came up with a funny comment calling me "THE Rachael", followed by giggles from us, but a glare from "the other Rachel". Funny I know. What made me think of this? Well I guess I was thinking about back then, when I didn't really know who I was. And although my life hasn't exactly been peachy, I'm happy with who I am becoming. I’m not “just Rachael”. I am Rachael. I grew up in the small town of Syracuse where everyone knows everyone in some small way. We are all basically related or have been in the same ward with one another. Small, try suffocating. Especially when most people know who you are and your story about your life. Can you tell I am excited to leave to Logan soon, because I really am! I spent most of my childhood playing soccer in the fields by Syracuse Jr. High or buying snow cones from the Snow Shack at my brother’s baseball games. From the time I was small I have been emotional. The cry in the corner, scream at the top of my lungs, laugh way too hard emotional. I care too much and way too fast about things that don’t matter and about people who couldn’t give a crap about me. I hate hate HATE squash, but it doesn’t stop my mother from force feeding it down my throat. I would rather have popcorn or chocolate, my two addictions. Besides diet cherry Pepsi, I would take that any day. When I am sad or mad I love to run. Run in the dark. It’s my escape from the high expectations of others. I would rather watch college football than any reality TV show out there. I am basically really loud. My laugh, my yelling, my voice. I kinda get that from my dad, I think, and my fantastic listening skills from my mama. I love my school more than anything and spending time supporting my fellow falcons. Along with planning school dances and other things with my SBO’s. My falcon family, I should say. I love to listen to songs, read books, and watch movies about love. The kind of love that makes you want to cry. That makes your heart break and your hands shake. From Danny and Sandy to Lizzy and Mr. Darcy. And even though I haven’t experienced it yet, I know it’s out there. Sometimes my mom tells me that that kind of love might not exist. That I might not get my happily ever after, but it’s all I have ever wanted. I want someone to step inside my life and sweep me off my feet. Save me from my fears of heights and popping balloons. That understands that sometimes I need watch Gilmore Girls, even though I have seen each episode at least five times. That when it rains, I have to blast my Rob Pope and drive for hours and cry. That sometimes I am stubborn and I want everything to be perfect, except my disgusting room and my car that somehow always smells like food. That will listen to my Taylor Swift and Jonas Brothers marathons that I have weekly. That will hold my hand even though most of the time they are clammy and cold. He will make all the bad things that have happened disappear and make me forget about my trust issues. He will prove to me that not everyone that we love leaves us. And given the chance to leave or fight for me, he will stay. He will give me everything that I need, like the opportunity to go to the temple and to have a family that can be together forever. He will make all these years of heartache worth it. I am just Rachael and someday I will find someone who loves me for all of my little quirks. Even though I don’t know when he will come and I’m sure it won’t be for a while, Heavenly Father will send someone to me at the right time. Now I have got to obsess about college and getting to where I need to be. Besides Rachael, she is always obsessing about something. I am me. I am “just Rachael”.