Don't Read This: Simply Depressing.

You know when you are hurting, hurting so bad no one understands. Not even your best friend or your mom. So whenever you are alone you just sit and cry listening to Taylor Swift. Yeah, that's what I am doing right this second. I can't explain why I am sad, I am not going to sugar coat it. I like a guy. Well realllllllly like a guy and of course, he doesn't like me. I almost, well no I do, wish that I could go back to when I was happy. Like the come home and do nothing but talk about him kind of happy. Or the I just got a text from him, I'm going to scream and giggle for ten minutes kind of happy. But wait, no here is my favorite, the oh my gosh I think he likes me, kind of happy. I guess through all that happy there has to be some sad, right? It's like the universe saying: "Hey Rach, I know your supper happy right now but I've got to put a stop to it, cause you know you've never been this happy before and it's just not working." Oh and my favorite part of being extremely broken-hearted, the pity you feel from everyone. I feel like my friends have only seen me go through heartache. Like ONLY seen me go through it. Everyone comes up to you saying "hey, how are you doing?". Let's see I could go with the telling how I really feel.."ohhh you wanna know? Okay well here we go. I am terrible. Everywhere I go, I think of him. I go past his truck after school and I want to cry. I look through my pictures of me and him, and I want to cry. I walk into English, not seeing him there, and I want to cry. I sit there at lunch looking at his brown eyes, and I want to cry. And do you want to hear the best part? He doesn't even care." Yeah that probably wouldn't go well.. So I go with the usual "I'm okay." I know they truly do care and want to know how I am doing, but I have decided that no matter what I say, it isn't going to make anything better. So I just save some pain and a long story about a naive young girl to them. Why make them feel so uncomfortable? For those who know how I really am I just stick with "I will be okay." because I do mean that. I will be okay, someday. Hopefully soon. It just stinks, thinking that for once I will get to be happy. Me, Rachael Fresh, get to be happy. Like disgustingly happy, but then it blows up. Bammm. Never mind! Let's just stick with being sad, okay? I am going to be okay. I have beautiful friends and tons of guys to seamlessly flirt with, to make the pain slightly go away. It's just when I am alone is when it gets to me. Luckily music helps too. "Stupid girl, I should have known, I should have known. I'm not a princess. This ain't a fairy tale. I'm not the one you sweep off her feet, lead her up the stair well. This ain't Hollywood, this is a small town. I was a dreamer before and you let me down. Now it's too late for you and your Whitehorse to come around. Maybe I was naive, got lost in your eyes. And never really had a chance." TAYLOR SWIFT YOU ARE WRITING MY LIFE! Honestly, that's exactly how I feel. I hope you didn't read this, or think about this. These are my honest to goodness feeling about my depressing life. I just needed to get them out there, cause honestly I'm done talking to my friends about it. I'm done analyzing it, making it seem like it wasn't my fault. Cause it is. My fault for thinking I had a chance.. but I have prayed so hard that whatever is happening, is happening for a reason. I have also prayed to accept what this is, and to be guided through it. I'll keep you updated I promise! Things are going to be okay. I'm going to be okay. Well,I'll just keep saying that to myself and hopefully it will turn out that way.. (: